Driftwood Soul

Beautiful words written and given to the wrong people but saved and engraved for the right heart.

"Why do you keep staring at me?" I asked. "You're so gorgeous" he exclaimed. And I smiled because his innocent response was quite nice for a change. "What is it you are wanting from me?" and he said, "Just to get to know you." I smiled because little did, he know I found him quite appealing without ever even having a conversation with him. He made me feel loved and beautiful without ever saying a word.

To Love Honestly

"I've prayed for you. I'm waiting on God's time. I know we'll be together. So, I will wait."

It had been two months talking to Andy. I met him once on my way to Texas. He said he was going to a Florida rehab for his alcohol addiction. "Cool" I said. We talked for about twenty minutes before being called to my flight. He asked if he could have my number to maybe call again so he had someone to talk to. I don't know what I was thinking but not only did I give him a number, I gave him my ACTUAL phone number. And when he walked away I forgot about Andy. I was two days home from Texas after a break up with the boyfriend I had at the time. I was sad because it had potential but relieved because it was also very boring. I don't like always being the life of a relationship, he didn't have his own ideas. PLUS, he talked to his ex girlfriends more than me because they were "friends." No, no, no. I have too much love for myself to let a guy treat me that way, again. Been there, done that.

Here Comes Andy

I received a call from a private number shortly after my return from Texas. Again, out of the ordinary I answered it which I never answer private calls. Hey! how you are? It's Andy. "um, Andy who?" "Andy from the airport" Holy Shit! I forgot; this guy actually called me. I asked him how he was doing, and he said he was doing fine. He went on to tell me that he was only allowed to write down 2 numbers to call, and he wrote mine and his mothers. That's sweet, I thought, or extremely fucking weird. Apparently, I don't know stranger danger but I'm this far let's see where it goes. "Can I call you later today and often?" Andy asked. I agreed and thought about that decision later.

Old Man Andy

I agreed and thought about that decision later.

Hours later I get a call from Andy. For the next 2 months I talked to Andy several times a day sharing my life, my dreams, my writing and my poems. What turned out the be a weird confrontation ended up being a much need life instance. My relationship with Andy was different. He was 38 or 39 if I remember correctly. I often called Andy "Old Man." I had never talked to a man that much older than me and quickly realized that it was so much better then talking to boys my age. Andy was kind and polite. Andy didn't disrespect me or push my boundaries and wanted to know all about me. Andy didn't just want to know my favorite color he wanted to know what made me happy, passionate and instances that altered who I was.

This is it!

My conversations with Andy were so genuine that I thought maybe he could be someone I could see myself with. I learned a lot while only having a phone relationship with Andy. I learned to respect myself and only offer conversation, not my body. I learned what I really looked for in a partner and I learned my voice when I needed and wanted to say no. Andy taught me there were good men out there and that I didn't need to fear dating older men. Andy also taught me that a good relationship with the opposite sex didn't mean a romantic partner. Andy never told me he loved me and in my deepest being I appreciate that he never said it, and neither did I. I knew I loved Andy but only in a way that two best friends loved each other. It was clear that our soul reunited in a time when we were both broke and needed something more.

Perfect Timing

I was in such a happy place 2 months into talking to Andy that when I met Thomas, I loved and respected myself enough to accept his love. Andy had mentioned before that he wanted us to date when he returned home, and I often agreed. But, deep in my heart I knew that Andy was not who I was meant to spend my life with. I was struggling deeply because the broken part of me was convinced that Andy was it because he was good to me. The healed me was telling me I could have whoever I wanted if it was meant for me. My first conversation with Thomas I knew this was the man I was meant to love. I told him I had a boyfriend at the time, and he said he respects that but wasn't worried about it. Thomas said "I've prayed for you. I'm waiting on God's time. I know we'll be together. So, I will wait." Not much longer after that conversation I told Andy goodbye. Part of me was devastated because he was one of the most beautiful souls I had ever met, and the other part of me was happy and grateful to have just met him. I was thankful because his broken pieces fixed my broken pieces.

Along Came Thomas

Thomas came in like a gust of wind you didn't know you needed until it hit you. I was one week into talking to Thomas romantically when I was preparing a random trip to Florida with my twins. Thomas left $200 cash on my driver's seat as a gift towards my trip. I know it's just money, but the gesture meant so much to me. I was always the one doing nice things like that for a guy or getting him gifts to let him know I thought he was special. All the while hoping to be treated the same way I was treating them. Thomas did it flawlessly and with such love. My second week with Thomas we both agreed we didn't need time to know we loved and wanted to get married. We had both felt that we've waited so much of our lives to find each other. The next week we set a date and on August 14th, 2021, I married my best friend. I've never held back with Thomas. And I've never looked back. Sometimes it seems too true to have met someone that loves me like he does. Thomas and I don't care and don't include anyone in our hearts but each other. And with that, I devote my love and words to my sweet husband.

The embers of us warms my body and sets fire to my soul

Like a forest fire in June

Quick, swift and without apologies.

I was bones of driftwood in an ocean when you found me.

One half of me drowning, fighting for the surface, the other basking, burning and searching for water.

I was born with rivers flowing from my mouth and a lack of mercy to control the currents.

Created to take and collect.

Told to calm down and heal as if that was something I knew how to do.

They called me destructive, yet, I called me free.

Then you came along.

And you called me beautiful.

Pleasant even.

I found new meaning in between the spaces of your hand in mine.

I'm not sure what it all means but I don't think I'm drowning anymore.

And these bones don't ache like they use to.

I think that's what love is.

No source can wash your print from my skin or take your place in my heart.

Where you burn, I burn there too.